So, the FDA has decided that, after all, perhaps soft cheese is okay to eat, but only if it’s been made with pasteurised milk. That’s right, Americans can go back to enjoying their bleu or camembert, but only if it’s had the fuck nuked out of it. Then again, pregnant women beware: soft cheeses can cause stillborns. Riiiiight, they should stay away from having brie with their Wonderbread. Instead, they should continue to load up on Big Macs, supersized fries, potato chips fried in olestra (lose weight with anal leakage!) and, oh yeah, diet Coke. Better yet, chow down on American processed cheese food slices and Cheez Whiz. Fucking uncultured pagans.
I especially love the part where the FDA recommends that folks with weakened immune systems avoid soft cheeses altogether. What crap. Like I’m going to give up my gorgonzola.