What is close but no cigar, Alex?

March 22, 2006 at 3:06 pm (General, TV)

Confession: it’s my goal, nay my dream, to appear on Jeopardy. I watch it almost religiously–i.e. whenever the spirit hits me and I’m not doing anything else at that moment–I use it to gauge my workout rhythm (if I can answer the questions aloud while biking in front of the tele, then I’m good), I get annoyed when contestants screw up simple questions (I mean, honestly, who doesn’t know that Ulaan-baator is the coldest capital in the world?) and, to top it all off, was rather jealous to see ex-Montrealer John Moore appear a couple weeks back, followed by sweet schadenfreude to see him not even make it to the final round. Loser. Heck, I even remember The Golden Girls episode where Bea Arthur tried to get on. And who can forget Cliff’s famous “Who are three women who’ve never been in my kitchen?” final answer in that episode of Cheers.
Anyhow, I get the Jeopardy newsletter, occasionally register for auditions, but nothing ever comes of it. But then, on Monday, I get me an email telling me that they’ll be holding an online test next Tuesday, the 28th. “Gosh,” I’m thinking, “I don’t know. I have yoga on Tuesday nights, and I’ll be at trivia the following week, so that would make two weeks in a row that I’ll miss.” Okay, I admit it, the yoga instructor is hott, and really nice, and I always feel like I’m disappointing her if I don’t show up. Of course, greed and an over-blown sense of self corrected my path, and I figured that I could take a couple weeks off. What the hell, with the millions I’ll make à la Ken Jennings, I can pay for my own instructor. So, I go online, start filling out the form and…
Am not eligible. It’s for American residents only. Dreams dashed, for now. All the 30-second anecdotes that I’ve stored in my mind for the little meet-and-greet sessions with Alex Trebek will have to stay there for a while longer. I guess I’ll have to earn my money the old way; I’ll simply buy more lottery tickets.
But mark my words, Jeopardy: you will be mine. Oh yes, you will be mine.



  1. marehttp://loglog.peghole.com said,

    On the requirements page of the online test there is no mention you have to be a US citizen. But the form is very US centric, with no mention of provinces. You might try using N/A as your state though. I just tried with that and 00000 as my Zip code and that worked just fine. Go for it!

  2. Michel said,

    Oh, didn’t think of using 00000! You’re so smart.

  3. Michel said,

    Okay, tried it. We’ll see what happens. Thanks.

  4. Anonymous said,

    Cliff’s answer was actually “Who are three MEN who have never been in my kitchen?”…

    hehehe! just corrected for the sake of accuracy… 🙂

  5. Michel said,

    Actually, we’re both wrong. It’s “Who are three people who have never been in my kitchen?” (Source)

  6. five blue said,

    ken jennings is my hero. my hero. i want ken back. so bad!

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